Some background here: Morgan's relationship with John began during an Objectivist Conference in NYC during the late summer 1998. They woke up in bed together and my estranged husband, who had taken Morgan to the conference, called Morgan's room. John reached over and answered the phone. From that point the relationship was not secret although according to Morgan John pressured her to keep it quiet for "a while." 

Morgan and I were estranged at that time. I first heard about the affair from another daughter and subsequently called John directly to ask if it was true. This was in early spring of 1999. The conversation was short and amicable. He denied it. When Morgan and I started talking again in September of 1999 I insisted she tell the truth but, since John had lied to me, did not believe her story. 

Hence, the tape made to prove to her mother that she was telling the truth on this occasion. 

I heard a rumor they were dating and dismissed it as absurd.  When I heard the rumor about the abortion I directly called John and asked him point blank if it was true.  He denied it. I believed him.  Sometime that spring he was inadvertently included on my share list, receiving poetry and jokes.  

This is the poetry referred to by John.  The share list went to around 15 people. I don't know which poems he might have received since I took him off the list when I discovered I was sending to him. I don't keep track, I just write or copy jokes and send. Such sharings go only to friends and generally they had requested they receive the mailings. I did not expect responses to these mailings. John was deluding himself.  



FLORIDA, USA, September 04 2001 (weaselsearch.com) By John Connolly 

JOHN FUND: You shouldn't have told her, and you kept telling her, and telling her, and telling her and you kept digging yourself in deeper and Morgan the one thing I can't understand is you obviously told her within days of Colorado where we were discussing a dinner. And I got glimmerings, I didn't open all of my e-mails but I got glimmerings of that pretty quickly, little clues, her e-mails were changing tones. You told her within days, you didn't wait very long and the irony is if you thought I was punishing you, it might not have been punishment forever but what did you chose to do you chose <BR> 
to lash back at me and you chose to go ...

MORGAN: (AT A HIGH PITCHED VOICE ALMOST ANGRY) You're not lashed back at!!! 
I mean all I have to do is tell her to shut up and she'll shut up.

JOHN FUND: Morgan ...(SHORT PAUSE) Within days of Colorado you told her.<BR> 

MORGAN: Yeah, I was pretty hurt by your behavior there.
(THERE IS A PAUSE) 

JOHN FUND: Well coming from someone who asks what they can do to make it up to me that's seems to be a little incongruous. Making it up to me did not include going out and lashing out and telling her...

MORGAN: Lashing out at you is not telling my mother, is not lying to my mother when she confronts me on something. 

JOHN FUND: She was bluffing.

MORGAN: She was not bluffing. She had it from Craig. (THERE IS A PAUSE) I knew she had it from Craig.

JOHN FUND: She had a one-night stand from Craig, she had nothing else.

MORGAN: WHAT!!!! 

JOHN FUND: You told Craig.

MORGAN: What do you mean, I mean.

MORGAN: That Craig would confirm that I had a relationship with you. Is that odd? (SHORT PAUSE) I'm not the one who picked up the phone in the hotel room John, that was you.

JOHN FUND: I accept responsibility for that. (SHORT PAUSE) Look Morgan you've done your damage and (PAUSE) and go ahead and do what you want to me. I've got a long list of things to anticipate and I am fully expecting that some of it may happen but I think it is very short sighted and very spiteful of you if you do it.

MORGAN: Look, I just told you I wasn't going to do anything. How many times do I have to..

JOHN FUND: You also told me you would never tell on .. (THERE'S A BEEP IN TAPE) and you managed to.

MORGAN: (SHE SIGHS) Yeah after you treated me really badly, John.

JOHN FUND: No. You come up with an explanation of New Orleans and how that  came out. You come up with an explanation of New Orleans that is credible 

MORGAN: Are you seriously telling me that she knew the hotel room?

JOHN FUND: Come up with an explanation from New Orleans. Come up with one. 
You can't. 

(THERE IS A SHORT PAUSE)

MORGAN: Yeah, I probably could.

JOHN FUND: No you can't. Not one that is credible (THERE IS A PAUSE) You can't.. So we are back to square one.

MORGAN: No, No we are not because now I know that you basically were just using me Because you just told me there was obviously there was no way the relationship could come out so it was obviously it was going to be a quiet relationship (PAUSE) and you would deny me completely. 

(THERE IS A LONG PAUSE)<BR> 

JOHN FUND: You think I was .. You think I wanted. You think I wanted your mother to know?

MORGAN: (SIGHED)

(THERE IS SHORT PAUSE)

JOHN FUND: Morgan, what are we talking about, we had this conversation in New York City. (THERE IS ANOTHER PAUSE) What are you talking about?

MORGAN: What that, that, I mean for honestly what you are telling me here..

JOHN FUND: Morgan, did the relationship change after February/March, the answer is yes. It changed for two reasons. One that it was extremely unset about what had happened, our joint responsibility and and was extremely upset because it became clear to me that things were known to her. (LONG PAUSE) I thought I could deal with it and I didn't and if you want to call that being using you no, the answer is no.

MORGAN: But John you didn't...

JOHN FUND: I took, I took you to a play, I took you to a movie, I tried, I tried get, I tried to make things better and it didn't get any better. I was still seething. So finally I decided to tell you why I was angry with you. If you want to believe I was using you go ahead and believe it. I don't think so and I don't know so. (THERE IS A LONG PAUSE) If you choose to believe that, that is your business.

MORGAN: John, if the relationship could never come out what is the point of it. (THERE IS A LONG PAUSE) I have never in my life been treated like a dirty secret.

JOHN FUND: You know the reason. We had this discussion at the beginning, if you don't remember the discussion we had at the beginning then were dealing with two separate stages of reality.

MORGAN: I know you told me you wanted to keep it quiet and I thought that was for a while, I didn't know that was permanently.

JOHN FUND: Well guess what?

MORGAN: It was permanent?

JOHN FUND: No! No! By February or March I already knew that it hadn't been kept quiet. 

(THERE IS A LONG PAUSE)

MORGAN: How?

JOHN FUND: That one e-mail I will be willing to share with you. That one e-mail I will be willing to share with you.

MORGAN: Then what does it say?
<BR> 
(THERE IS A LONG PAUSE)  

JOHN FUND: It has enough of the details that I knew that someone had talked.

MORGAN: Was it from her?

JOHN FUND: No, it was from the man on the moon.<

(THERE IS A PAUSE)

MORGAN: Very funny. (THERE IS A PAUSE) That's impossible.

JOHN FUND: Well it happened. (THERE IS A LONG PAUSE)

MORGAN: Alright. I want you to show it to me.

JOHN FUND: Fine, But things changed after that. Do you understand why? 
(THERE IS A LONG PAUSE) Do you understand why?

MORGAN: I can understand why and I really wished you had discussed it with me.

JOHN FUND: I should've and I told you that in Colorado.

(THERE IS A LONG PAUSE)

MORGAN: So when do you want to show it to me.

(THERE IS A LONG PAUSE)

JOHN FUND: Well I just that depends on whether or not I get threatened again immediately which Robert should put me into a defensive crouch. If I don't get threatened immediately I won't try to do it sooner rather than later. If I get threatened..

MORGAN: Why would you think she is threatening you? This is what I don't get. 

JOHN FUND: She is threatening me. 

MORGAN: What did she say?

JOHN FUND: She is threatening me!

(THERE IS A LONG PAUSE)

MORGAN: Well obviously you are worried about her threats.

JOHN FUND: No, I am not worried about her because no one have ever done that successfully.

MORGAN: What?

JOHN FUND: Threaten me.

(THERE IS A LONG PAUSE)

MORGAN: What! This has come up before?

(THERE IS A LONG PAUSE)
R> 
<BR> 
JOHN FUND: I have spent the last six years being threaten by the Clinton administration.

MORGAN: Sighs.

JOHN FUND: I know all about threats. They've come after me, they've audited my taxes, they've tried to besmirch my reputation, they've have tried to attack my character.

MORGAN: Why did they do that?<

(THERE IS A PAUSE)

JOHN FUND: Guess.<

MORGAN: Well, it's not over that Sid Vicious stuff, is it?

(THERE IS A LONG PAUSE)

JOHN FUND: Look Morgan, (THERE IS A LONG PAUSE) Am I worried about threats? No. Am I upset that I am threatened? Yes. I'm always threatened, I've been threatened for the last six years from these turkeys in the Clinton administration. I can deal with other people who want to threaten. 

MORGAN: Well then...

JOHN FUND: But that doesn't make me happy.

MORGAN: Well let me ask you something. If you're worried about these threats and you're worried about things happening.

JOHN FUND: There is a difference between being worried and being upset.

MORGAN: Okay. If you're upset about these threats and you certainly don't want to be threaten anymore which I take it is the case. Why in the world did you set yourself up for something like this? If I was just to be this dirty secret. I mean . Please.

(THERE IS A LONG PAUSE)

JOHN FUND: I didn't think you would go to this level. I really didn't expect that of you. (THERE IS A LONG PAUSE) And with the days of Colorado you didn't wait very long, you waited, you waited barely three or four days, barely three or four days.

MORGAN: Who am I suppose to talk to about how I feel? I can't talk to you.<

JOHN FUND: Well guess what. From all of your previous conversations I sure didn't expect it to be your mother. From all of which you said about her. I sure didn't expect it to be her.

MORGAN: You really didn't think that I would start talking to my mother again.

JOHN FUND: About this.

MORGAN: Sighs. (PAUSE) You didn't

JOHN FUND: About this.

MORGAN: No. About anything. I mean people have fallings out with their parents all the time.

JOHN FUND: What you described was not a falling out...

MORGAN: My mother discussed you with me and not just with me with everybody in my family. With Janice Vargo. (THERE IS A PAUSE) That's a blast from the past isn't it.

JOHN FUND: Look Morgan (THERE IS A PAUSE) I now have a better sense of why you were upset with me and why you were angry with me. Some of it I accept and some of it I don't. And ..

MORGAN: No you don't accept it you just, you just think that that nothing can happen.

(THERE IS A LONG PAUSE)

JOHN FUND: What does that mean?

MORGAN: It's just that I'm a good little girl and I'll just go away

JOHN FUND: No! You're .. If you want, if you want, if you want to get mad at me and you want to threaten me and you want to go off and do stuff to me more than you have already done you are allowed to do that.

MORGAN: More than I've already done! I haven't done anything! 

(THERE IS A PAUSE)

JOHN FUND: You've got a woman threatening me.

MORGAN: It's my mother!

JOHN FUND: And I'm not supposed to take that seriously.

MORGAN: No!

JOHN FUND: I'm not suppose to take it seriously. 

MORGAN: Look. You know what my mother wanted. (THERE IS A LONG PAUSE) She just wanted the truth from you. She didn't care.

(THERE IS A LONG PAUSE)

JOHN FUND: I'm getting a series of threats from her. She does not want the truth. 

(THERE IS A PAUSE)

MORGAN: Sighs. What do you thinks she wants?

JOHN FUND: Well I should've opened her e-mails earlier that probably why she is escalating.

MORGAN: Yeah.

JOHN FUND: I should've opened them earlier.

MORGAN: She, she was when I talked to her first she was extremely upset with me. (THERE IS A PAUSE) And she wanted to know what happened.

JOHN FUND: Well Morgan look. (THERE IS A LONG PAUSE) I thought my friendship was worth something you obviously chose it for it to be worth very little to you because you've now got a woman threatening me.

MORGAN: No, it meant a lot to me.

JOHN FUND: Well guess what you sure haven't showed it.

(THERE IS A LONG PAUSE)

MORGAN: And not and and not discussing it with me letting me be alone consistently and not helping me out is a real good show of friendship John.

(THERE IS A PAUSE)

JOHN FUND: Morgan we've already gone over (THERE IS A PAUSE) our disagreement over what happened when you went through your emotional trauma. We've already gone over it..

MORGAN: When I went through it. Do you think I'm not still in it? Do you know what I am dealing with, John? Do you have any idea what I have gone through? 

(THERE IS A PAUSE)

JOHN FUND: You have told me.

MORGAN: No, I don't think I have! (PAUSE) AT THE SPECIFIC REQUEST OF MORGAN 
A SENTENCE HAS BEEN DELETED BOTH HERE AND ON THE TAPE. That I have serious problems. But nothing that I can't overcome and I that I am determined to …

JOHN FUND: You have decided, you have decided to make it worse by annihilating someone who did like you.

MORGAN: You never cared about me, if you had you would've have maybe..what.

JOHN FUND: You choose to believe that go ahead

MORGAN: I don't want to believe it. I tried to..

JOHN FUND: ------believe it, that's what you choose to believe.<

MORGAN: No that's not what I choose to believe I just looked at the facts.

JOHN FUND: Did the relationship change in February and March?

MORGAN: Sighs. Yeah, I was pregnant!

JOHN FUND: No, did change, did it change, did it change after that?

MORGAN: Oh, it did change after that. Yeah.

JOHN FUND: Well guess what you now know the god damn reason. (THERE IS A PAUSE) and it wasn't your pregnancy. It was, it was, it was you somehow indirectly or directly managed to violate a confidence. (THERE IS A PAUSE) It was direct specific nature. (THERE IS A LONG PAUSE) You somehow directly or indirectly caused that to happen. Cause it didn't come from me. 

(THERE IS A PAUSE)

MORGAN: Alright the only thing I can think of when I was searching my brain,racking my brain as to how she could have gotten the hotel room. The number and stuff? Is that I left notes when I was Uh writing things down. I only way I think she could have gotten is if I'm which she did have a key to my house. .came in and looked through my stuff. 

(THERE IS A PAUSE)

JOHN FUND: Well that was a mistake.

MORGAN: It was a mistake to write down where I am supposed to go.

JOHN FUND: Yes. (THERE IS A LONG PAUSE) Everything changed after that. 
(THERE IS A LONG PAUSE) Look your experience hurt me not as much you but it hurt me too. It hurt me deeply. And I was upset.

MORGAN: How come you didn't express it to me?

JOHN FUND: Because I did and you're not remembering it! 

(THERE IS A PAUSE)

M,ORGAN: You told me you were upset. You didn't say...

JOHN FUND: Sighs.Morgan I can't have this conversation anymore. I know 
(LOUD BEEP IN TAPE)..If you chose not to full remember it. (PAUSE) I told you how upset it made me, I told you why it made me upset.

MORGAN; Why did it make upset? Cause I'm not remembering it? You want tell me know.

JOHN FUND: Jesus Christ! (PAUSE) Sighs.I can't have a conversation with you.You choose to believe what you want to believe, you choose to remember what you want to remember. I cannot have a conversation with you.
(PAUSE)

MORGAN: Fine will have a conversation later.

(THERE IS A LONG PAUSE)

JOHN FUND: I told you, I told you about my responsibility, I told you about how much life meant to me. I told you all of that. You don't remember any of it. 

(PAUSE)

MORGAN: I remember a bit of it. Yes.<

JOHN FUND: Then now you remember it, when you didn't remember it 5 minutes ago. 

(THERE IS A LONG PAUSE)

MORGAN: Well I didn't think that you cared about the situation. I mean I know that you cared about what was going on but I didn't see (INTERRPUTION IN TAPE) any alternative.

JOHN FUND: You never gave me one.

MORGAN: I ...if you had called me back when I told you I was gonna have an abortion and you said think this over we have an alternative then things would have been different John but as far ...when I left that message on your voice mail you called me back and said is there anything I can do. Can I payfor it?

(PAUSE)

JOHN FUND: Jesus Christ. 

MORGAN: You never once before I got that abortion suggested to me that there was any alternative.

JOHN FUND: I believe you'd already made your decision.

MORGAN: I didn't know what to do. I was hysterical. 

JOHN FUND: You told me you already made your decision.

MORGAN: I never,..I said that I had made the decision to have an abortion if you had said there are alternatives. I would have listened to you. But as far as I knew you were just saying to me well that just fine. That's what I want. If you had said no Morgan I have a real problem with it. Let's discuss alternatives then things would have been different but what am I suppose to do. I told you the situation. (PAUSE) I was moving to a place I didn't know all alone. I'm suppose to have a baby. 

(THERE IS A LONG PAUSE)

JOHN FUND: Sighs. Look (THERE IS A LONG PAUSE) You choose to believe the worst in me and you choose to believe and you've got this very elaborate system where mother has shared some of my e-mails with me including some of the things in which I tried to deny something because I did not know at the time I was denying something she already knew. And if you choose to take Umbridge at that, that cover story and the other things that I came up with to try to protect myself and protect you I thought indirectly that's fine. I understand why you are upset and why you are mad. I know what I said, I know what the truth was and I know what lies I told and I know what I did. And I also know what I talked to you about and I also know what you choose not to 
remember now and obviously were are not going to have any resolution of this. You're mad at me and I'm mad at you.

MORGAN: Oh, now you're mad at me I thought you were disappointed. (THERE IS 

A PAUSE) We've moved up.

JOHN FUND: We've just moved up because of this ridiculous conversation that you have and in which it took me, it took me, it took me ..the ability to finally get mad for you to confess that I wasn't completely uncaring and unfeeling about it. It took you a long time to come up with them I had to get mad at you to get...

MORGAN: How come you didn't tell me at the time that you didn't want me to have an abortion?

JOHN FUND: I didn't say I didn't want you to. I said I was willing to discuss it with you. You told me what your decision was. And you were crying and all of that. The last thing I was going to try to do was to talk to you about it. 

MORGAN: Well you know ...I was crying in February. You could have called me back before I had the abortion. Actually I was crying in March. You could have called me back and we could have discussed it but you never wanted to sit down and discuss it. I thought if you're so right to life and all this good stuff which you did tell me you were..

JOHN FUND: No, no, no.Morgan, Morgan (THERE IS A LONG PAUSE) We agreed earlier that we should have had a conversation. I never told you I was a strict right to lifer. I have respect for life and I also make judgment calls and I also have variations on that theme.

MORGAN: No, I'm sorry I misspoke. You did not tell me you were a right to lifer. Okay. You told me that you didn't..you had respect for life. I remember that part of the conversation. We had a discussion about it. But never once in that discussion did you offer me an alternative. Did you say you know you don't have to do this Morgan? You never said that. Do you agree?

JOHN FUND: I never said that. (THERE IS A PAUSE) you also told me what your decision was unilaterally.

MORGAN: No, I told you I decided to have an abortion cause I could not …

JOHN FUND: ...which your decision...decision (both talking at once)

MORGAN: And you know what it was partially your decision too because this was your kid. If you felt that and you know ...if you took responsibility for it you could have said think about, lets think about it. Why didn't you say that? (PAUSE) Why didn't you offer me an alternative? Do I have to do all the talking? (THERE IS A LONG PAUSE) You're taking someone who is emotionally distraught over this whole thing.

JOHN FUND: I was too.

MORGAN: Her very first abortion.

JOHN FUND: I was too.

MORGAN: And not suggest something to me I mean I didn't know what to do, John.

JOHN FUND: You told me you already decided what you were going to do. 

MORGAN: Well I offer that as a suggestion because I knew..

JOHN FUND: Morgan, don't give me this crap you told me what you were going to do.

 MORGAN: I know, I called back and told you I've decided to have an abortion and I've scheduled it. But did you call me back and say you don't have to do this. No. It's something we should've discussed because we're both involved. 

JOHN FUND: Sighs.

MORGAN: And you think I needed emotional help when I got back here and I found Orcero(TK)...Do you know that some of the baby came out. 

(THERE IS A PAUSE)

JOHN FUND: I've had an, I've had an awful lot of details sent to me.

MORGAN: On what the abortion now. Are you serious. This must be something you just got. (THERE IS A LONG PAUSE) Oh what ___ sent you detailing the whole thing. Is that what happened now. 

(THERE IS A PAUSE)

JOHN FUND: I am aware of what you went through. (THERE IS A VERY LONG PAUSE) You had a decision to make after Colorado Springs, Morgan you could've either gotten mad and gotten even or you could've decided that maybe with time there could've been something that would've been supportive and perhaps we could've worked this out. And you chose to take the first course and not the later course. And that was your decision. 

MORGAN: No John you were making the rules at that point. I had no …

JOHN FUND: No, no.

MORGAN: I felt like I had no alternative but you just give into whatever you thought was best.

JOHN FUND: No, we had a friendship that we could've rebuilt. (PAUSE) and you chose to lash out and get back at me. Congratulations you succeeded. I hope it makes you feel good and I hope it gets you lots of benefits.

MORGAN: What benefits? I'm not asking for any benefits.

JOHN FUND: I hope that it gets you lots of benefits.

MORGAN: I do not know what you are saying. Because I never asked you for anything. And I certainly have no intention of of blowing you apart. Why would I want to do that to somebody I cared about. Huh.

JOHN FUND: Morgan, Look. (PAUSE) I cared about and I got angry because the one thing that I asked you for I didn't get. Which was confidence. And I didn't.

MORGAN: And it was never going to end. (PAUSE) Because you and I both believe that Melinda would have a freakfest if she found out..

JOHN FUND: (THERE IS A PAUSE) Morgan you chose to lash out at me and get even and you succeeded and I am now dealing with someone who is threatening me and who is saying you are threatening me. 

MORGAN: Do you want me to call her off?

JOHN FUND: Morgan, you do whatever you think is best because you've always done that. 
MORGAN: Sighs.
JOHN FUND: I obviously don't have sufficient credibility to ask you anything because you were clearly mad at me, and clearly wanted to get back at me. 

MORGAN; No, I am not mad at you John.

JOHN FUND: You got back at me.

MORGAN: I am more..John you want to know what I am at you. I'm not mad at you. I was never mad you. I was hurt by you, but (PAUSE) I was never mad at you. I just wanted to talk. And..

JOHN FUND: I wish, I wish that I'd been able to give you more symphaty and more emotional support after the event. But I had a very rude surprise shortly thereafter. And that colored most of my thinking.

MORGAN: Sighs. You know..

JOHN FUND: And we should have talked about..

MORGAN: You know what I feel like, I feel like I am fighting an unknown enemy because you did this to me before. You tell me you get e-mails your not very specific so I don't know what charges I being dealt you know. It's like if somebody called you up and said oh but you are being charged with something in court and they wouldn't tell you what it is. And you have no..

JOHN FUND: All I can say is this. I know what you said about your mother her credibility and her truthfulness. And you have chosen now to accept her credibility and truthfulness so go live with it. Because in choosing her you are not choosing me and my credibility and my truthfulness. You have made up your mind and you have made your decision so you have to go live with it.

MORGAN: I have not made a decision.

JOHN FUND: You already have.

MORGAN: By doing what. By talking to her in the first place. (THERE IS A PAUSE) I'm glad you're so amused.

JOHN FUND: If I weren't amused I would be angry. I am being threatened and I'm ..a very specific list of what you are going to do to me sent to me.

MORGAN: Would you like to tell me what's on the list that I am supposedly threatening you with. I would love to know.

JOHN FUND: No, because if you are actually threatening me that's not exactly going to help me is it.? You have put me in a very defensive position by sharing this with your mother and by incurring her wrath upon me, you have put me in a very defensive position. Now I have tried maybe perhaps with insufficient rigor or ability to try to stand in your shoes and understand how much emotional trauma you are going through. Would you understand what I am going through …

MORGAN: Yes, I can understand that. I know that you feel betrayed. 

(THERE IS A PAUSE)

JOHN FUND: Yes I do.

MORGAN: And I want you to know that I never meant to betray you. 

JOHN FUND: Well.

MORGAN: I felt like I had no alternative, John. 

JOHN FUND: Well find, but you managed to get your revenge because I am being threatened.

MORGAN: Why do you think its revenge because she's talking to you. She's an old friend of yours. 

JOHN FUND: She's not talking to me, she's threatening me. 

MORGAN: John you are really, I mean all you would have to do is call her up and talk to her about it and it would be all over. 

(THERE IS A LONG PAUSE)

JOHN FUND: I don't deal with people who threaten me. Period end of conversation. I should've opened her e-mails earlier I didn't. I get hundred of e-mails.

MORGAN: Well, I know you do. 

JOHN FUND: I get hundred of e-mails. Most of them are poems from her. I admit I open most of her poems but not all of them....

MORGAN: She sends you those too.

JOHN FUND: She sends me tons of poems.

MORGAN: Yeah, I know.

JOHN FUND: Well guess what a couple of them were not poems, they were e-mails from her. And I didn't open them and I didn't read them..

MORGAN: Because you thought they were poems.

JOHN FUND: I thought they were poems. I thought I could get to them eventually. (THERE IS A PAUSE) So now she has escalated.

MORGAN: You know John she's not escalating, she is looking out for her daughter. Have you ever thought of that. Have you ever thought of how she must feel?

(THERE IS A LONG PAUSE)

JOHN FUND: Morgan, 

MORGAN: HMMMM.

(THERE IS A LONG PAUSE)

JOHN FUND: Regardless of what you did or didn't tell anyone you made a mistake because a few days after Colorado you decided to open this whole can of worms. And I understand why you did it and I understand how angry you must have been at me but it only made, but it only making matters worse. Because I don't bear grudges forever but when I am threatened it makes matters a whole lot worse. Because I don't respond well to threats. (PAUSE) I just don't.